BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.


Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month


The Baby clothes:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, colour co-ordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
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Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing
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Pacifiers:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and sterilise it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
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Diaper changing:

1st baby: You change your baby's diaper every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
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Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
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Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
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At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
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Swallowing Coins:

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!
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Pass this on to everyone you know who has children . . . or everyone who KNOWS someone who has had children . .
(The older the mother, the funnier this is!)


1. You know you're a mom:
when you take a shower you either have a child or bath tub toys at your feet.

when you sing "Dora Dora Dora the Explorer" or Wiggles songs in the shower. With all the right words. And on-key.

when you go to use the bathroom you count the seconds before one of your children or your husband come knocking at the door.

when your Tivo is loaded with more kid shows than your own shows.

when your idea of 'A night in with the girls' involves princess dresses, fake make-up and making beaded necklaces.

when your out with your friends and all you can think of to talk about is your kids.

when you tell jokes, you realize they are the goofy ones your kids made up.

when someone else's kid pukes at a party and you keep eating!

when you no longer need an alarm clock because your kids get up at 7:00 a.m. everyday no matter what time they go to bed.

when you go to the fridge, takes the milk- bottle out to have a sip and you don't notice that the nipple is still on it.

when you excitedly shout "Scoop!" when you pass construction equipment on the highway and your kids aren't even in the car!

when the Metro seems way too quiet without little children squirming in the seats

when cleaning by yourself is no longer a chore. It's a vacation!!!

when you are looking at the movies section of the newspaper and you run to tell your husband about the new animated movie coming out.

when you clap when someone goes potty